not you it is the sadness in my wife's eyes as she sits on her porch smoking watching her neighbors caught up in the joy of new families kids skating fighting and laughing as dusk wraps them into their homes her hand shakes keeping time remembering her life as it was when we had babies in our arms guarding their dreams from harm and time together was precious before our love fell apart and I left her alone it is life breaking my heart not you it is the death of my mother watching sickness and decay pull her slowly out of this world and away from me at such a cruel and patient pace taking my heart and hands with her no longer able to feel and touch now haunted by her soul in mine left longing for my distant father whose absence fills my days wondering who I was back then and where my childhood went it is life breaking my heart not you it is longing for you to hear me sometimes crying myself to sleep exhausted by drunken nights memories of brighter days spent talking and smiling with you about beauty and bouts with pain and the lonely fear of being insane but nothing ever remains the same I got lost trying to pull you near pouring myself into you with words thank you for being there my dear - my love will always be here but it is life breaking my heart not you