not you

it is the sadness in my wife's eyes

as she sits on her porch smoking

watching her neighbors caught up

in the joy of new families

kids skating fighting and laughing

as dusk wraps them into their homes

her hand shakes keeping time

remembering her life as it was

when we had babies in our arms

guarding their dreams from harm

and time together was precious

before our love fell apart

and I left her alone

it is life breaking my heart

not you

it is the death of my mother

watching sickness and decay

pull her slowly out of this world

and away from me

at such a cruel and patient pace

taking my heart and hands with her

no longer able to feel and touch

now haunted by her soul in mine

left longing for my distant father

whose absence fills my days

wondering who I was back then

and where my childhood went

it is life breaking my heart

not you

it is longing for you to hear me

sometimes crying myself to sleep

exhausted by drunken despair

memories of brighter days spent

talking and smiling with you

about beauty and bouts with pain

and the lonely fear of being insane

but nothing ever remains the same

I got lost trying to pull you near

pouring myself into you with words

thank you for being there my dear

- my love will always be here

but it is life breaking my heart

not you

.