L

there is no blame which follows you through life seeping through the concrete seams of the L tunnels water cragged splits between giant blocks underground hunched as shoulders holding the mighty mountains of steel and glass stalagmites certain of their rise to the sky though nothing drips down to meet them halfway where god turned his back long ago leaving his word to drip drip drip through tunnels of homeless smells and roaring lights doing nothing to dispell the specter of decay eating away souls as they fight to look away holding newspapers close to eye hiding their glimpses at the other rotting men whose stench is covered by rich colognes of the avenues pretending to have shaken the shackles from early birth days on childhood playground bars fighting for the top which keeps them hiding up in the sky in their highest rises guarded doors watched by guarded roles - hello sir how are you this evening he mutters in robotic manners clutching the doors to release me - time for recess I guess I will go play for a while down the streets of happy couples and hapless bums sparing nickels for dimes in a one way shoot out with gutters I will fall into there teetering through days just in time for some of those wild mushrooms that go to my head and then come back down poring electric sparks through my fingers and toes no one knows if whats inside is outside or which came first coming up upon a stop on this train up high as the mike goes beep and boop and the doors shuffle out of the way of my feet and papers keep folding then flying to the floor in a wet crumpled mess with dead birds and feathers finally finding the ground trying to love each other if not just someone before its too late just in time morning dew insects rush right by too small for me to see or even imagine but I know they are there somewhere just beyond my hopeless thoughts about my self and the hollowness that scares me at times during the day when the sight of a passing building or car with a face framed by the window reminds me of something falling off the edge filling me with anxiety attacks from yesterday not really today but reaching for the beer bottle I do get trembles nudging me that eventually I will not be able to hold anything at all knowing this drinking for days on end will be the end of me as I just keep getting on that train never getting off until boredom sets in like a pair of concrete blocks frozen about my knees able to just barely walk out into that north avenue street waving for cabs as they rush through the dead silence of fireflies zipping by on their way to pound down some gyros to reak up the next day but warmth right now from cold damp spells which end with anger and hurt feelings of being too old for anybody to flirt with or even crackle a smile and chuckle at a joke which flies over everyones head as everyone tumbles and tweets through the rumbles of rocks shifting at change from above due to global warming and populations mourning in far distant haiti too far for me to care when my life and destruction pierce my eyes in a day to day life that I have grown to despise sick of all these sicko comedians - look at me you bastards - I am the shit because sometimes I can feel her breath against the back of my neck as the doors open once again

circus tents gather around these parts clowns out of work swarm around flaming oil drums stoking soul heat and places to meet on the way down looking for a glimpse of satan or even god as he toils with tales of the way it used to be and the times that used to click by one sunny day after another no need to lean on your brother because your own shoulders were big enough back then when men were men and women stood by them not tearing them down like in todays times and paper headlines in the good old days of lies living la dolce vita under austin lights money to burn no time to learn when I saw her face and her body leaning against mine just heavy enough to feel her tits pressing against me enough to forget about what I needed to do - what I must do - when all I could think of was doing her and these thoughts come back to me like waves as tides rush in and out of my way - windows turning down around corners buildings bear witness to my blues as each new day when the timing seems right for hope to be ripe at the end I feel remorse once again as the night falls and passes into this darkness that illuminates my soul and keeps me reaching for the blank faces which look away as I keep reaching for them - am I invisible - can anyone see me at all as I walk through the streets as a ghost among ghosts unless I don't belong - blend in is good - quiet is good - pretend is good and I my friend wallow in the mud of bad and contempt but hopeful for warmth by those rusty flaming oil can bonfires into the sky signaling for the them all to come home - come home the clown says waving but not smiling the catching their surprise - wake up you blank faces because you are the ones in disquise - turning away disgusts me when I see a babys face watch me and notice me but not you - kings of men but rulers of none your empty kingdoms ring with hollow sounds - no one comes to you when you call out in ghetto factories scared and scarred by light shifting behind your curtains and illusions about your fate look in the windows in front of you and the reflections of your face - my god you cannot even look at yourself or your wife or your child all left to pretend playing hopscotch on the sidewalk in front of your house cheating just so it appears that you are still moving forward like this train kuka kuka kuka babump babump babump over splitting rails and night time wails babys cry because of fear but you cry because you never tried to see outside - you have a role you have a place but damn is that really your face it does not seem to fit in these mirrors you trust just waiting to be smashed this is not your movie it is mine so keep your eyes to yourself you doubter of dreams and cursers of past I am steering this train into my future get out of my way you bums of dispair and preachers of books which convince you to lie close your eyes little baby everything will be alright keep praying for salvation as I turn up the heat and find out where it really lies back inside you and inside me as we all try to look away but keep peaking up from time to time - ahhh I caught you - I see that smile as it sinks back behind the bars and into bars I need another drink to calm these thoughts which haunt along the rails bleeding out into the streets as the train stops one more time

am I blue on this train with people laughing and nervous with suitcases and briefcases loaded up to ride off to fly and flee from the endless boredom of living without sight blinded into a straight shot to escape from what I ask but it always seems to be the point to look away from tv movies music others noise cars dirt and everything that piles upon the steps of ourselves right up to the door knocking relentlessly calling for attention as we run to work and run to play kuka kuka kuka babump babump babump children holding the magic is how I feel watching you smiling and laughing falling across the floor and through crowds you dance as minutes pass by swaying in and out of view - seeing different sides of you no time passes raised in flowers through my head and falling as words into nothing - some end up here to fly and some fall here to die in a pile of pigeon feathers in the the back of the train laughing and pointing as others look on in disgust and disdain fallen angels incarnate - michael and gabriel spark across the divide forth and fro - he reached out and touched them - now he hides inside their eyes - that turn away in thought - looking into mirrors instead of others - souls in search of a new day - waiting for someone to touch - stop this train stop this race - waiting for someone to taste - savoring help that pours out - and spills upon the ground - through fingers trembling to touch - to live yet one more day - blood runs through their fingers - and spills upon the ground - and it dries in the son - visiting the scene of the crime - over and over again - deus in adjutorium meum intende - domine ad adjuvandum me festina